House of Idiots
by Tiryn
Summary: Being dead was not all it's made out to be, especially when you live with a muggle that knows who you are. Oh, that's your son there? Well let's invite them in and have a grand time! At least she's okay with us being wizards and witches... Too bad she's not so nice in the morning without her coffee.
1. Chapter 1

I can't believe I'm putting this out... I've been getting back into my lovely slash fantasies and was reading Harry Potter fanfiction when this idea knocked down the front door, walked right in, and said 'sup, bitches?' Yep, totally normal -_- *head desk*

So hope you all enjoy :D

Do not own familiar elements of Harry Potter

Pairings: Lily/James/Severus (well... this one is going to be weird to write xP), Sirius/Remus, Harry/Draco, Hermione/Ron (That's probably one of the VERY FEW canon pairings that I approve of...)

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><p><strong><em><span>House of Idiots<span>_**

**_Chapter 1_**

It was too damn early for this. The bloody gits were arguing in the living room.

I don't give a damn if they were ghosts or not, I will severely hurt them if they don't shut up. Why can't they just wait until I've at least had my coffee? That would have been the nice thing to do.

"I don't give a damn, James! Why didn't you tell me before?" I walked in on Lily Potter crying her ghostly eyes out at her husband, James Potter. Severus Snape, thankfully the only silent being in the room, was sitting on my couch observing. He nodded as a greeting when he saw me then went back to watching the verbal match.

These fights have been growing more and more common around my house and I sincerely wish that it would stop.

I fixed myself a coffee, just simply listening to the couple. Apparently, they've been married for some time before their deaths, but I don't believe it. Not since Severus has arrived on my doorstep wondering what the hell had happened to him. For some reason, all three were ghosts and just simply hanging around here. I was told they couldn't leave, so I just let it swing.

Besides, what the hell am I going to do with three wizard/witch ghosts?

I sighed at the warmth of the coffee. Thank the lord for the simple wonderful things in life.

I sat down next to Severus and sighed through my nose. "Do you know what they're arguing about?"

"No, but I might have an idea." I looked over at the ghost-man and raised one eyebrow. Severus came to me several weeks ago, some months after both James and Lily popped up in my house, wondering what was happening and where he was. Sadly, I was the only one who could see him. So I had to drag him home, which resulted in several fights and silence fests between the couple and the Slytherin. Still, so far, Severus Snape is my favorite out of the three dead tenants in my home.

"Please do tell." I mumbled, glaring at Lily as she yelled at James once again. From what it looked like right now, James was the victim and Lily the instigator. Or whatever that word is supposed to be.

Severus shrugged and didn't answer. I shrugged myself and attempted to find the remote. "Coffee table over there."

"Thanks, Severus." See? The Slytherin was helpful when the other two decided to be complete gits. I switched on the TV, ignoring the protests of the (semi) arguing couple. "Just move or I'll move you." James looked like he wanted to say something, but I think the glare from both the red-head and the man beside me persuaded him not to say anything stupid that would ruin his afterlife.

"Don't you have work today, Andrea?" I nodded and sipped my coffee again. Silence that only the TV cut through. Glorious. "It's 8:30..." I shrugged, not really thinking. Lily sighed, frustrated at my lack of response. "You have to be at work in fifteen minutes."

Yep, that got me up.

"OH SHIT!" I heard James laugh as I basically rampaged throughout the entire house, tossing things out of the way as I frantically dressed myself. "I'm dead, I am so dead." I grabbed my keys and purse, chugging down the rest of my coffee. "If I find anything broken when I get home, James Potter, your ass is mine and I don't give a damn about how some guy named Sirius Black is going to get my ass." I glared and ran out the door, locking it behind me and running down the steps.

Thankfully, I arrived to work right at 8:45. It's what happens when you break all of the laws about roads on the way there.

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><p>The man was confused. Severely confused. He looked around him and cursed. Was he in the Muggle world? Dead, no less? Sirius Black ran a hand through his hair and sighed. So far, nobody could see him.<p>

Only, he had the suspicion that this blonde girl with bright green eyes could see him. She was the only one who stepped around him whenever he was in the way. Or apologize when she accidentally walked through him.

So, he followed her around, nothing better to do anyways.

He was finally able to get her alone when she took a break. She was sipping this odd concoction and smoking a fag. "So who the bloody hell are you?" That was weird. Usually, he was the one to ask the questions. Bright green eyes watched him as he stopped in surprise. "I asked a question, I suggest making it quick before someone else comes out here and finally drags me to an asylum."

He watched her for a minute then shrugged. What's the worse she could do to him anyways? "Sirius Black." She almost choked on her cigarette.

"You're the damn idiot James has been telling me about?" What the bloody hell was she talking about? She stomped on her cigarette and huffed. "Alright, look, my shift ends in thirty minutes, and after that, I'm taking you home with me. If you fight with any of the others, I will castrate you." She glared at him as he opened a mouth to make a comment. "I don't give a damn if you're dead, Black. I'm sick of the headaches in the morning."

He growled and cursed, but nodded.

After thirty more boring minutes of working in the backroom, Andrea grabbed her jacket and walked out of the restaurant, Sirius Black trailing her.

"You don't seem that surprised to see me." Sirius said, watching the scenery go by in the car. Muggles always seem to create some of the coolest stuff.

"That's because you people keep finding me. Not that hard to get used to it." A red light turned green. Andrea turned left and continued driving. "So, are you also a wizard?" Sirius froze at that. "So that's a yes. You all react the same, too, damn."

They stopped in front of an apartment and got out. "Come on, time to go on in." She turned to Sirius and grinned. "Welcome to the family, Black."

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><p><strong><em><span>So, yeah... Guess I really need to stop doing stuff like this... Oh well, can't help it very much ^^U<br>_**

**_Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter of 'House of Idiots' :D_**

**_Please tell me what you think so I can improve~_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Next chapter :D I really like this story since it's going to be a bit drama filled ;3**_

_**Do not own anything familiar~!**_

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><p><span><em><strong>House of Idiots<strong>_

_**Chapter 2**_

I was actually quite thankful for having the weekends off. I don't know how I got this, but whatever. I'm not going to question it... Much.

The one thing that I am going to question, however, is how the BLOODY HELL the idiot wizards in my apartment decided that waking up before ten o'clock on a Saturday morning was OKAY! Because it certainly is not!

So, this is where you find me, lecturing the four ghosts on my couch... I think it was three because Snape was asleep.

"How the hell could you? Do you even know anything about sleeping in?" I growled at James before he could say a damn thing. "Shut up, Potter, I do not need your input at this point."

"Hey, mate, she reminds me of Lily before you married her." Sirius chuckled. I sighed and tried to rub my headache away. I didn't bother to see what made the wizard yelp soon after.

"Whatever it was, Sirius, you deserved it." I growled out, dragging myself to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. I know that I won't be able to go back to sleep. I conditioned myself to do so after several years of school at my parent's house.

When I walked back out with a nice, sweet cup of coffee, some sort of cartoons were on. Sirius and James were fascinated. Lily just looked exaggerated while Snape... well, he was still asleep.

Lucky fucker. I should kick him awake if I knew it would do me any good.

Last time I tried to harm one of them, I got a nice bruise on my foot when I hit the piece of furniture behind him. Needless to say, I learned my lesson on that. My foot throbs just thinking of that. I don't want to do that again.

However, I did learn that the ghosts can harm each other, which is quite fascinating. It works for me too, since my frustration can't be taken out on the object my frustration is aimed at. Instead, I have a computer that contains documents upon documents of rage stories.

And video games. For some reason, Sirius and James are fascinated by the things. Gives them new ideas, they say. I don't even want to know what ideas they have in mind for whatever they want to do. Just let me say, if they do anything to me, I am burning their ass... somehow or other...

"Welp, I'm going to go take a walk before my wall gains a hole in it." I went to get my jacket and came back to find that no one had listened to me and Snape was awake. He did not look completely awake, but it was the closest he would be at this moment. "Snape, you're in charge. If my house is burned down when I get back, Sirius, your ass is mine."

With protests chasing my back, I locked the door behind me so as to avoid suspicion with my neighbors. They already think I'm bat-shit insane with my yelling at eight o'clock in the morning (I put it off as someone always calling me in the morning; not like they could hear my phone ringing, right?), I don't need them going through my stuff and calling me insane for locking my door.

I'm just glad that no one else can see my ghosts. Oh, that would raise a whole bunch of shit that I didn't need.

Well, anyway. I like the weekends, even though everyone is out and about during this time of the week. However, it's nice, because then you get to see everyone interacting with each other as they should and having fun that they do laugh and enjoy themselves. It saddens me sometimes, since then I get jealous seeing as I'm kind of by myself (yes, I could totally bring some of the ghosts with me and totally talk to air... yeah, no), but it's ridiculous.

That's how I view myself anyways.

"Excuse me, ma'am." I stopped and sighed at the voice.

I turned and was ready to open my mouth, but shut up and grinned. "Well, look who has joined the party!" I cooed. Poor man - ghost, excuse me - was confused.

"You can see me?"

I smiled softly. He looked so sad and confused. I wonder how alone he has been and how long he has been dead. I turned and gestured for him to walk beside me. Once I was sure that no one would look at me weird, I lowered my voice and spoke to the man. "Yes, I can see you and speak to you, but others can not. I am being inconspicuous so no one will think I'm insane. By the way, what's your name? Have to introduce you to the others, somehow..."

"I'm sorry, who?"

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><p>"You died?!"<p>

"After having a kid? Dude, how did you get luckier than me?"

"You married Tonks? Moony, congrats!"

I sighed and sipped my tea, sitting next to Severus and watching the three idiots reunite. Apparently, Remus (the guy I found in the park) is a long time best friend of James, Sirius, and Lily. How they all know each other - Severus is included in that - is quite astonishing, really. Makes me think that someone up there is planning something for me...

I set down my tea and stood up, glancing at the clock and seeing the time. "Guys, I have to head to bed. You may catch up and do whatever you want, just please, don't wake me up; I have enough of a headache from this morning."

Choruses of good nights chased my back as I went back to bed. For some reason, it baffles me to see that it was later than it felt. Ten o'clock, huh?

I closed my eyes on my bed and relaxed, waiting for the silence to take me away to somewhere.

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><p>James waited fifteen minutes before saying anything. "Guys, what happened to all of us?" The atmosphere was sad, tinged with regret. They couldn't speak of their deaths around their gracious benefactor, not without bringing up a whole bunch of questions that do not need answering.<p>

Lily laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in comfort. Even though they both knew that their 'marriage' could not hold out much longer, they could at least try to be friends... For Harry.

Remus sighed and slumped down next to Severus, laying his head in his hands. "I couldn't protect him..." Silent tears attempted to stream down his face. "We..." He swallowed and continued. "We died in battle, most of us did." He sighed again. "Ted is still alive, but I'm afraid of what's going to happen to him. I haven't been able to find Tonks either." His heart only slightly squeezed at the thought of it, but his mind comforted it in the thought that at least she was resting in peace now. "I don't know what has happened so far..."

Sirius ran a hand through his black hair and scowled at the air around him. Not like he needed it to breath anyways. "Bellatrix tried to kill Harry, and I couldn't let that happen..." A hand ran down his face, trying to smooth out the wrinkles that must have appeared whenever he worried about Harry. I was pushed into something or other and now I'm here." He looked around and frowned.

"It looks like time is not flowing the same way after we die. Who knows how long it has been since then." A collective sigh resounded the room after Severus's words. Everyone (finally) agreed on something.

"Do you think we'll ever see Harry, James?" James looked back at Lily and smiled comfortably, squeezing her own hand.

"I'm sure we will, Lily, do not worry."

Silence. Remus stood up and tried to smile. "Well, it's late, we should all get to bed and try to do whatever it is we do when we rest." Everyone agreed. Severus took over the couch (as usual; now that everyone knew how and why he died and what he was doing during the war, nobody really fought him on some things - where he slept being one of them), James laid down on the love seat while Lily took the chair. Remus simply slumped down in a chair while Sirius walked around, investigating things like the nosy Gryffindor he is.

He finally curled up in a corner where he could observe everything with a pillow as a cushion and slowly fell asleep there.

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><p><span><em><strong>Yay, we have all of the needed ghosts :D Now, very sorry for the boringness of the chapter, but I needed to get introductions out of the way (I just realized that I have yet to introduce the character... damn...) and then I can start on the epicness of my character being fucking nosy and doing things the way she wants to do them :3<strong>_

_**Reviews:**_

_**Guest - Thank you and I hope you liked the new chapter :)**_

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_**I hope you all enjoy and please review and tell me what you think so I can improve :D**_

_**P.S. I'm also going to need name suggestions, preferably of German, Greek, or Italian origin... I'm leaning towards Italian names, but let's see what you guys come up with :D This is the first time I've ever done this, so this may or may not turn into chaos... *shrugs***_


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